Your Son Is An Asshole

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

“How many sons do you have?”


“Which one has the blond hair?”


“He’s kind of an asshole.”

“Yeah. Yeah. He can be.”

“I mean, I don’t know where he gets it, but he’s a deflector. You and Mike aren’t deflectors. I mean, you guys both have your problems, but you’re generally straight-up people. You take responsibility for your actions.”


“Yeah. I don’t know where it gets that.”



“What did he do?”

“He rang my doorbell and ran away.”

“He did?”


“That’s what he did; he rang the doorbell and ran away?”

“Yeah. I had to get up.”

“What the hell is he doing ringing your doorbell? You’re a sex offender. You’re a registered sex offender. What the hell is he doing ringing your fucking doorbell?”

“Well, I don’t know.”

“I think that’s illegal.”


“Not him ringing your doorbell. The part about you being within 500 yards of him. That’s illegal.”

“Well… yeah.”

“OK. If he rings your doorbell again, call me up. I’ll call the police and have you arrested.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Well, I think we’ve got this covered, Bo Diddley.”

One thought on “Your Son Is An Asshole

  1. Title of story showing up in my e-mail is a cause for a double take – especially since I have a son who I usually don’t think of as being an asshole to anyone.


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