Overdose

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

I’d see him around. When we spoke on the side walk, his eyes would slowly shut like a fade-out in a black and white movie.

He’d been drafted into the band because of his ability to score high quality heroin and for his collection of intimidatingly expensive Gretsch guitars.

He couldn’t really play, but he owned a 1962 White Falcon double cutaway with a Bigsby tailpiece. Everybody wanted to fuck him.

He probably couldn’t perform, in bed. He wasn’t bad onstage. Lots of leaping and kicking and suchlike. The band had to get a second guitar player, a low-key dude with a yellow Les Paul Junior who could really haul ass. Our hero looked great, but couldn’t play shit.

He could score the shit, though. So much fucking heroin. Pharmaceutical MDMA. Vicodin. Blow. On the sidewalk, drifting in and out. His family was heavy duty money and took care of him, generally. Sometimes you’d see him selling his records to buy dope. It was mostly a passive exercise to demonstrate to others just how fantastic his vinyl collection was. PiL’s Metal Box. That weird Half Japanese set.

I can remember talking to some girls. Re-educated high school cheerleaders who started wearing stripey tights and Doc Martens and digging Mudhoney when it all became unavoidable. I mentioned how bad I felt about watching Our Hero fade away. How I went to his funeral without having much to say to him.

The girl said, “I would have punched him in the mouth. That would have woken him up.”

Everybody knows exactly what to do once the right time has passed. Everyone is the coolest fucking person in the world once the element of chance has vanished. No-one was around when it was time to be around, though.

Feel All Right

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

The Kid could vomit at will, a talent he used to get out of youth theater. As he grew older, his ability to dislodge his own contents meant that he rarely finished a day of high school. He was left back twice. Later in life, he tried to get out of a filing task at his part time job by yakking all over the office admin’s desk. People started wising up around then.

Tales Of The Pharmacy

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

Walter approached the counter. He wore a heavily modified gorilla suit. Clothes pins clipped to the fur. A puce “Happy New Year 1949!” sash tight across his massive chest.

“Walter,” I asked, “did you go off your medication?”

“No. I’m planning on going off my meds, this week, and I figured I’d ease into it. Here’s a list of phone numbers to call when I freak out in the parking lot.”

Walter handed me pineapple emblazoned with a single word: ‘Preminger.’

Walter pointed at the pineapple.

“Underrated director,” he muttered, his phrases reverberated inside the massive gorilla head.

Testimonials

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

“The Amazing Presto is Lake Tahoe’s best stage hypnotist. I would hire him again without hesitation. Yessirree, bob.” – Marlon Deakins, Harrah’s Lake Tahoe

“The Amazing Presto is Lake Tahoe’s best stage hypnotist. I would hire him again without hesitation. Yessirree, bob.” – Mort Sneed, Harvey’s Lake Tahoe Hotel & Casino

“The Amazing Presto is Lake Tahoe’s best stage hypnotist. I would hire him again without hesitation. Yessirree, bob.” – Royal Festen, Montbleau Resort Casino & Spa

“The Amazing Presto is Lake Tahoe’s best stage hypnotist. I would hire him again without hesitation. Yessirree, bob.” – Slick Vincent, Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, Lake Tahoe

“The Amazing Presto is Lake Tahoe’s best stage hypnotist. I would hire him again without hesitation. Yessirree, bob.” – Floyd Gugenheim, Hyatt Regency Lake Tahoe Resort, Spa & Casino

Santa

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

“How come Ian got a bike, last year? He doesn’t believe in you either.”

“Because Ian didn’t shoot his mouth off in front of me and expect to be congratulated for his honesty. Lump of coal for ya in the freezer, Mensa boy.”

Batman (Become)

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

“Would you like to be Batman?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Why would I?”

“Because you complain endlessly about other people’s cynicism and laziness. You gripe without interruption about everyone else’s fucking failings. Maybe you should be Batman, and rid Gotham City of evil? Protect those who require protection. Protect the innocence of the children from the degenerates and the fiends. Abandon your self-congratulatory bullshit and accomplish something.”

“I’m not sure I could do that.”

“Thought not. All mouth. No money.”

“Fine. I’ll become Batman.”

“Good. Here are the keys to The Batcave and a list of crimes to avenge.  Be merciless.”

“I hope I can do a good job.”

“If people depend on you, you will. You always do. Just stop bitching.”

Seinfeld

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

Q: What is your favorite episode of Seinfeld?

A: I’ve only seen one episode: the one in which some guy had a cape.

Q: So, by extension, that’s your favorite episode?

A: No. Based on my reaction that one, all the ones I haven’t seen are far and away my favorite episodes.