Battle Of The Sexes!

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

“Thank you, Russell. Now, obviously, the big news: Thursday night… 55 year old Bobby Riggs will face Billie Jean King in a tennis match people are calling ‘The Battle Of The Sexes.’ Riggs says he can beat any women’s tennis player in the world, and he did quite a number on Margaret Court back in May. Any thoughts on that, Gary?”

“Bobby Riggs is quite a character. I hope hasn’t bitten off too much to chew, here.”

“What about you, Gary? Do you think you could beat Billie Jean King?”

“Well, I’ve never played tennis in my life, so I don’t think that would be much of a match.”

“You’ve never played tennis?”

“Nope. No interest. Tonight’s going to be unusually cold, with frost developing…”


“Never. I’ve never hit a tennis ball with a tennis racquet in my life.”

“What if someone taught you how to play tennis?”


“So you could play Billie Jean King.”

“I’m not going to play Billie Jean King. I don’t even know how to play tennis and Billie Jean King is an internationally ranked tennis player. If I were to play her, she would have to show me how to play tennis, first. That would be good for me: learning from such a talented player… but I don’t think she’d be very interested in doing that. Look out for frost coming in the morning.”

“You’ve never played…”

“Look, my brother and I used to sword fight with old tennis racquets in the basement, pretending we were Zorro, but, no, I’ve never played tennis.”

“So you don’t think you could beat…”

“Billie Jean King? No. How many fucking times do we have to cover this?”

“We’re on the air, right now.”

“…and you keep talking about Billie Jean Fucking King! I have no fucking idea how to play tennis and you have this fantasy that I can play tennis and that I’m going to participate in a match with Billie Jean King. You’re a fucking asshole for even asking this question.”

“…and you’re an asshole for answering it. Next up, Becky goes to a pet store. We’ll be right back.”

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