Don’t Piss Off A Witch

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

I saw a bumper sticker that said, “Don’t Piss Off A Witch.” It was on a parked card – a silver car, parked – near the coffee shop. I have never met this witch, and she was telling me not to fuck with her. Telling me what I should and should not do.

The implication being that if I somehow pissed off a witch, she would use her mysterious powers to seek retribution. Turn me into a newt or some shit. I wonder what would be required to piss off a witch. Would I have to attempt to burn her at the stake, or can it be something more trivial, like stealing her parking space. Depends on the witch.

Yet, I do not believe in witchcraft. Nor do I believe in divination or astrology. In the space of twenty feet, walking past a silver car, an absent woman picked a fight with me an insulted my intelligent in the process. So I tossed a rock through her rear windshield.

You should have seen what I did to the guy with the “PBS MIND IN AN MTV WORLD” bumper sticker, last year.

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