Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.
Fitting in a workout, as anyone can tell you, is sometimes problematic in today’s busy world. In light of that, I have developed a system that works for me, and might just work for you!
I like to lift 1,500 pounds once. That’s it. That’s my whole workout. One deadlift of 1,500 pounds.
It takes about 15-20 minutes to fit all the weight onto the bar, which is a workout in and of itself.
After that, I grab the iron and Lift!
Lifting the whole thing usually takes about 25 minutes. Screaming in agony provides me with a surprisingly effective cardio workout. In addition, I customarily evacuate my bowels and bladder about 10 minutes in, which shaves off about 5 pounds. Vomiting, too, assists in that department.
Once I’ve managed to somehow lift the 1,500 barbell 2 millimeters off the ground, I drop the thing and fall over backwards. Passing out provides me with a healthy cool down after all that activity. I’m out for about 30 seconds.
The EMTs show up soon thereafter to determine if I’ve had a stroke or broken my spine or caused my rectum to prolapse. After that, it’s zip o dee doo dah off to the hospital.
I do this once a week. It gets expensive, after a fashion, simply because I keep getting banned from gyms. Now, I have to drive to Maine to find a place, and they’re already starting to grumble.
Tomorrow, I’ll tell you about my Vaseline diet.