The Revenge Of Shinola!

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

“What would you say is your favorite part of this job?”

The interlocutor was visibly younger than he. Perhaps in his mid-twenties. Obviously a bright kid. An MIT kid. The consulting company wouldn’t have gone for any percocious Ivy Leaguers. They wanted hard-assed nuts and bolts kids. Stats kids. Kids from MIT. CalTech. Stanford. West Point.

The kid was aloof, but polite.

Still, he didn’t know quite what to do with awkward pauses.

“What would you say is your favorite part of this job?” the kid asked him again.

He stifled a laugh. The kid didn’t quite know what to make of him.

“My favorite part of the job is the building. It’s beautiful. The cafeteria is beautiful and has higher quality fruits and vegetables than the local health food stores. The light in here is gorgeous. The soda fountain is perfect. I love the elevators, and I love the incredible hum the building emits at all times. Like a great celestial vacuum cleaner of a room. Imagine wrapping your legs around a Dyson vacuum cleaner – one of those real expensive motherfuckers. The one’s that show up in the design magazines at the end of the year – and feeling that hum envelop your pelvis like squid ink and work its way up your spine. Make your teeth rattle and your skull go numb. God, I wanna fuck this building so bad.”

“What would you say is your least favorite part of the job?”

“Having to go outside to shit.”

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