Battle Of The Bands

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

How loud can we get in the gymnasium?

What if we crack the cymbals? Lee had a whole fantasy about hitting so hard that the cymbals crack. What if he does his thing and it sounds terrible? Or the cymbals actually crack? Or he throws his arm out again?

One band is doing all YES covers, except for a RUSH cover that the bass player insists they do. Weird. Instead of doing an all-YES set, or a smorgasbord of prog songs, they’re doing five YES songs and a version of YYZ. They shouldn’t even be allowed in the contest; the drummer graduated five years ago.

We played an outdoor show during the St James Carnival. After our set, Rocky, our guitar player, came onstage and apologized to the audience about how badly we’d played. We kicked him out on the spot. He had to get a ride home with his ex-girlfriend’s dad. Loaded all his pedals and his Peavey shit into the back seat while the old guy did a slow burn.

The Chiclets are these girls who sing and harmonize to tapes. They play cassettes through the PA system, and do synchronized steps. One of them dances really slutty and the other two look embarrassed. They dress like Prince. Guido type stuff. They might have a shot, though. They can really belt it.

The Radio have two drummers. They tried to kick one of ‘em put, but he beat up the other drummer. Every time they try to kick him out, he beats up the drummer. It’s happened, like, three times.

We’re doing an Aztec Camera song, two REM songs, an Echo & The Bunnymen song, a Bow Wow Wow song, a Squeeze, song, an Elvis Costello song, a Clash song and we’re finishing with a Sex Pistols song. Anthony is singing with an English accent. We got matching yellow shirts from Tropical Gangsters in Newport. We got purple lights and new amps. Man, I hope Lee doesn’t fuck this up.

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