Another Satisfied Customer

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

“I just wanted to thank you for mowing my lawn. Last kid who used to mow the lawn, he was a fucking asshole. He used to tear up the ornamentals. I used to say to him, ‘You fucking asshole! You fucking moron! Can’t you watch where you’re fucking going?’ He was like, ‘Freak you!’ One time, he mowed my lawn and I got so pissed I chased him off my property. He gets in his car and drives off and I follow him in my car and we’re giving each other the finger. So I got this other kid to mow my lawn and he was a fucking idiot, too. He used to mow the lawn zig-zag, so one day, I come out and I tell him, ‘Mow the lawn straight, you fucking idiot.’ He gets all pissed and leaves and I follow him home and they call the cops. I fucking tell the fucking cops, ‘Why you giving me shit? He’s the one who can’t mow the fucking lawn.’ The cop’s looking me all scared and shit. I still see him around. This other kid, he runs over my fucking foot with the mower. I was telling him to look where he’s going and he fucking runs over my foot. That’s why I walk weird. My wife comes out and she’s all fucking screaming and crying, again; this kid tells her to go the fuck back inside. I’ll tell ya, that kid better not fuck with me now that my foot’s healed. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for mowing the lawn.”

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