So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

When I left for summer camp, we were all friends. When I got back from summer camp, in August, every body hated each other. I’,m still not sure what happened. Well, that’s not completely true.

Alan’s older brother, Digger, had moved back home. Digger was this angry, outdoorsy guy who wore moccasins and played the acoustic guitar. He wrote songs about what dicks people were.

As long as Digger wasn’t around, Alan was fine. When Digger was around, Alan turned into Digger Jr., just another angry asshole.

Digger declared that Alan’s Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy fandom was bullshit, and directed Alan to read Lord Foul’s Bane. The weekly appointments on the library’s Apple IIE computer to play Castle Wolfenstein with me and Joey were cancelled in favor of Alan and Digger playing Wizardry on the same machine; our smartass laughs were replaced by Digger barking orders at Alan until the librarians told him to cool it.

Digger and his weird Robert Heinlein buddies, the overweight fake-biker types, took to playing D&D in their basement, using Alan as a gopher. Presumably, he fetched plastic cups of root beer for these 25-year olds.

Joey and I would call and ask to speak to Alan. Digger would chew us out about liking Monty Python and The Hitchhiker’s Guide.

One afternoon, Joey and I were leaving school, walking toward the busses.

Digger was in the parking lot, seated on the hood of his Javelin (1974.) The car had an airbrushed painting of a black dragon on the trunk.

Digger was sitting on the hood of his own car, in the parking lot of the high school – the same high school from which He’d graduated in 1975.

I think he was there just to bust Joey’s balls. My balls. Alan’s balls.

“Do your silly walk, Joey. Do your silly walk!”

”Suck my dick!” spat Joey.

That was all Digger needed. He took his shirt off and blocked Joey’s way. Digger had a tattoo of the RUSH logo on his chest.

“Where the fuck do you get off?” Digger sputtered.

”Forty Two,” answered Joey, kneeing Digger in the balls.

Eventually, Digger started dating a 15-year-old girl. He told everyone he was moving to Anchorage, but he started living with his aunt in Billerica.

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