Diplomacy

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

“Holy Fucking Shit, Dave! You just killed the ambassador from Planet Snorrrn.”

”No, I didn’t”

”Yes, you did! You hit him with an axe.”

Reynolds pointed at the deflated, somewhat gelatinous mound from which an axe emerged.

“I didn’t hit him with an axe!”

”Yes, you did.’

”No, I didn’t!”

”Yes, you fucking did! You said ‘Holy Shit! I’d better get my axe!’ and you ran into the other room and you ran back in and you hit the thing with the axe.”

”How do you know?”

”Dave, I’ve been standing right here the whole fucking time.”

Dave thought for a moment.

“You said you wanted me to hit him with an axe!”

”No, I didn’t!

”Yes, you did, you liar! You’re just trying to get me in trouble. You told me to get the axe and hit him, and I was just trying to be nice to you because Diane said you’re lonely.”

”So you admit you hit him with an axe?”

Dave yanked the corners of his mouth into an exaggerated frown, a tactic he’d been using since infancy.

“I did not!” Dave brayed like a mule!

“You just fucking said you did! Five seconds ago, you’re saying you didn’t hit the alien ambassador with an axe. Now, you’re saying you hit him with an axe, but somehow it’s my fault. You’re a fucking idiot!”

At that moment, The Alien Ambassador’s Bodyguard sloshed into the hayloft. He perceived the situation through the lens of his superior alien intellect.

“You stupid fucks, what did you do?”

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