Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes. Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.
The Pastor placed his hands on the lectern and adjusted his glasses.
“Who of us can say if Professor Warp was truly evil,” he asked, softly.
Immediately, several dozen people in the church raised their hands.
“Me! He was building a death ray when we shot him. He was going to use it to exterminate all life in Canada,” grumbled secret agent Ace Rollins, his face completely covered in bandages.
“He was evil as the day is long,” exhaled Black Widow Burns, his longtime partner in crime. “He routinely poisoned the water supply of Voltage City, leading to the deaths of hundreds.”
Snappy “Aw Shucks” Pierce, ace photographer for The Voltage City Courant widened his eyes.
“You bet your boots he’s evil,” Aw Shucks sputtered. “He used his unholy laboratory potions to turn my girlfriend into an unstoppable, mindless strangling machine.”
Behind Aw Shucks, his presumably-former-girlfriend struggled to bend the bars of her cage with her scientifically-enhanced biceps.
“Tik-tok-tik-tok-tik-tok, must strangle Commissioner Knox for Professor Warp! Tik-tok-tik-tok-tik-tok, must strangle Commissioner Knox for Professor Warp!”
The Pastor removed his spectacles and wiped them off with handkerchief. He pointed at the deceased.
“If Professor Warp was so evil, then who bought him this nice casket?
“I have to assume it was the folks at D.E.T.H. Inc.,” offered Black Widow Burns. “Their emblem is on the side, and he did a lot of free lance work for them. Like when they turned The Thunderbolt Skyscraper into a homing beacon for evil invaders from Planet X. That had Warp all over it.”
“Hm,” grunted Ace Rollins affirmatively, his bandages ruffling, slightly.
“I have to go in 20 minutes,” declared an unseen voice!
“Who was that,” demanded a nervous Aw Shucks.
“That’s Paul. He plays the organ,” answered The Pastor.
“Yup,” confirmed Paul.
“OK! Well, if he’s so evil and we can’t think of anything nice to say about him, let’s just wrap this up on the early side. Any takers?”
“Tik-tok-tik-tok-tik-tok, must strangle Commissioner Knox for Professor Warp! Tik-tok-tik-tok-tik-tok, must strangle Commissioner Knox for Professor Warp” chattered Aw Shucks’ old girlfriend, as she tried to tear the lock off the cage door.
The Crimson Cadaver raised his claw.
“I would just like to mention that Professor Warp was profoundly evil, and working with him on our schemes in my lair will always be a fond memory,” The Crimson Cadaver buzzed and hissed, his larynx long ago replaced by an electronic speaker.
“What the hell are you doing here, Cadaver,” spat Ace Rollins.
“Professor Warp’s casket is equipped with a secret radioactive bomb that is soon to detonate. You will all be incinerated,” gurgled The Crimson Cadaver.
“Won’t you be killed in the blast?”
“You cannot kill what is already dead.”