Here Comes The Binocular Man!

Below you will find the results of my having challenged myself for a number of days to write a short story with a beginning and middle and an end inside of 30 minutes.  Here is what I came up with. I hope you like it.

Of all the comic book heroes and villains who populated my youthful imagination, my favorite was undoubtedly The Binocular Man.Unlike Superman, whose limitless powers became manifest when he arrived on Earth as a baby, or Batman, who, through sheer force of will, gifted himself with preternatural physical and mental abilities, The Binocular Man was aggressively average in many ways.  

Clad in filthy sweatpants and a nylon New York Islanders jacket, The Binocular Man stalked through the darkened backyards of Fairville (a fictitious New England town) staring into people’s homes with his – you guessed it – binoculars, usually from the vantage point of a nearby row of shrubs.

While Superman and Batman sought to stanch the bloody gush of crime by apprehending evildoers in the act, we can only assume that The Binocular Man was trying to nip such malevolence in the bud.  He would peer into living rooms, presumably in hopes of encountering a criminal plan being hatched by any of the recognizable scoundrels (Brainiac, The Penguin, Vandal Savage, etc.) all of whom lived within walking distance of his apartment in Fairville.  Evidently.

Some of The Binocular Man’s greatest adventures involved his staking out the women’s dance studio situated across from the video store where he ‘helped out.’  At least 14 issues were dedicated to this particular ‘arc,’ as the professionals now call it.

Another interesting facet of The Binocular Man’s character was that everyone else in the comic had a catchphrase, but not him!  The exclamation was a variation of “Gimmie Those Goddamned Binoculars!” depending on who was shouting at it The Binocular Man at the time.

The Binocular Man was eventually killed off; his character fell from a ladder that had been leaning precariously against the side of a woman’s house.  I clearly recall cutting a section out of the Johnson & Smith catalog advertised in the back of that issue, and mailing it to Michigan in hopes of receiving a ‘life like’ gorilla mask.

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